It Wasn't Easy
by KenSwisid
Summary: It wasn't easy to just sit back and watch. It wasn't easy to watch her walk away. It wasn't easy to see her go off on her own, putting herself in danger. She isn't going to let her get away with it. Kuroko just wants her to understand...


"You don't seem to understand..."She begins. She's sitting up against the dorm room door, knees to her chest, arms and chin resting on them. She hopes this position will keep the other girl from running. "Do you consider me to be your friend?"

"Of course I do-" Misaka answers from her position near the window. She had been looking out, trying to keep from drowning in the heavy silence that had encompassed the room, she now looks at her younger friend, concerned.

"A close friend? The kind of friend that feels like family?" Kuroko's expression and tone haven't changed. Both are still flat and emotionless. She's hurt.

"Kuroko... of course I do!" The older girl looks down, tears begin gathering. She doesn't like this.

"Then why do you keep doing this? Going off on your own?" Kuroko's eyes have finally moved from their blank downward stare, bringing an intense, fiery gaze to meet her friend's.

"I don't want you guys to get hurt because of me. Because of the messes I make..."

"And if we did the same? Wouldn't you have wanted to help any of us?"

"Kuroko, it's different."

"Because you're a Level 5?"

"..."

"Even Level 5's aren't invincible Misaka." This is the first time Kuroko has called her by her name since they became roommates. Misaka is beginning to understand the depth of her hurt. 'But it doesn't matter, in fact it just strengthens my resolve. She'd do anything for me, die for me even. So that means that I have to keep her out of it.'

"..." Kuroko frowns.

"Tell me, what happens when you get in over your head and none of us even knew that there was something to help with in the first place? What happens when you charge in, not telling any of us, and get hurt. What happens if you get killed. Then the rest of us will be guilty of not helping you. The despair... What happens when you _don't_ make it home the next morning. And I didn't know where you had went, what you were doing, not a clue what was going on. What happens when we get word that you've gone off and gotten yourself killed when we could've helped?" Kuroko is crying now, almost yelling. Misaka is close to sobbing, pulling herself into a similar position as the younger girl and trying to stem her tears in the crook of her elbow.

"You're not alone, Misaka! So don't act like it." Kuroko shouted, she's suddenly standing, right in front of Misaka. "Or one day you'll find yourself looking around and realising that the people you were trying to protect? Aren't around you to be protected anymore. One day you'll find that you've pushed them too far. One day, you really will be alone. And then what's the point in fighting anyway?

"I told you that I would never abandon you, that's true. And I won't. But there's not much I can do if you abandon me first. It's not about one protecting the other, it's all about protecting _each other_. Give and take, and if you only give and won't let us give in return then there is _nothing_-" Kuroko is cut off by a sob. Neither is truly sure which one of them it was, but just as suddenly as Kuroko was standing in front of her, Misaka was up and pulling Kuroko into a violent, crushing, desperate hug.

"I'm sorry." She manages through a sob. "Please don't leave me." Kuroko heaved a heavy sigh as she returns the hug, resigned that she never really would leave this girl, the one that she loves with all her heart. Maybe she's a bit disappointed in herself for it, and she's definitely still angry at Misaka, but her heart makes her weak for this girl. Kuroko spends so much time being strong, so much time not caring for herself in favour of caring for others. Maybe she's a bit of a hypocrite for telling Misaka all of these things, but... 'Goddamnit Sissy... if you died I would die with you. You can't just...'

"I won't leave if you won't."

Misaka sobs into the younger girls shoulder. All of the horrors she'd seen throughout, all of the sickening, gnawing guilt, and the nauseating sense of responsibility, it all starts to catch up to her. 'Kuroko... do I really deserve such devotion from you?' It's not the first time Misaka had wondered that. She's always shrugged it off though, Kuroko certainly isn't perfect so she hadn't ever felt the need to put much thought into it. 'But I've put her in so much pain, I can feel it in her arms, hear it in her voice, taste it in her tears...'

"I won't! I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, _please_." Kuroko shushes her and hugs her tighter.

"You know I won't." Kuroko sighs again. Her love for the girl would never allow her to leave. Despite what she had said, Kuroko knew that, even if her sissy ever did truly abandon her, she herself would never stop trying, never stop loving, never leave. But maybe this would be a wake up call. Maybe this would be enough. Kuroko had to believe that it would be. She _had _to believe. Or she would fall apart. And she couldn't afford that now.

It _has _to be enough.


End file.
